Epiphanies

This poem is pretty dark and spiteful. It was written in the midst of a long term relationship and pretty well expressed the way I was feeling. That would be controlled, used, and taken advantage of with little regard for my feelings. At the same time it reflects the realization that I wasn’t really any better than the other party in the relationship. It’s called “Epiphanies.”

I’ll be honest,

 

I thought I loved you,

But I hate you,

 

With every nuance of my being,

 

You’re the salt in my wounds,

The blood on my knees,

Everything about you disgusts me,

You drain the joy from my existance,

 

I’d slit my wrists a thousand times,

Die a thousand deaths for you,

 

I’d grovel at your sacred feet,

Try to appease the beast within you,

 

But let’s be honest,

 

You think you love me,

But you hate me,

 

Deep within your heart of hearts,

 

I’m the pain of your existance,

Destroyer of your dreams,

I’m the one who finally showed you,

That you only love yourself,

 

So you’ve nailed me to my cross,

Ignored my every need,

 

You’ve made of me a martyr,

An epiphany of pain,

 

I’m afraid I must be honest,

 

I think I might just love you,

For all your wicked deeds,

 

Deep within my heart of hearts,

 

You’re the cause of my wounds,

The reason I bleed,

You’re the lie of my existance,

The fulfillment of my dreams,

 

You wrapped me in your blackened wings,

Killed the love inside me,

 

You siphoned off my inspiration,

Filled me up with bitter empty,

 

Can I please be brutally honest,

 

I’m quite sure now that I love you,

I’ve no doubt now that I hate you,

 

With every nuance of my being,

 

You’ve stripped away all I was,

Covered me with all your nothing,

I’ve died my little deaths in you,

You’ve feasted on my agonies,

 

You’ll make of me a puppet yet,

Pull my tattered strings,

 

I’ll smile my wooden smiles for you,

For already I’m quite dead.

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